yesterday was the last lesson of korean E2. just alittle lost. tho glad that my exams went well enough. no ideas when i can take E3. im trying really hard to manipulate my time right now, hoping tt i can take it in june/july. i saw some of my classmates signing up and getting the new books, going to start in april. i cant quite quench that sudden surge in this unexplained acidic feeling in me successfully. that dreaded green-eyed monster..

perhaps my neurotransmitters levels are going just alittle haywired. occasionally, my serotonin and Ach in the brain dipped dangerously low, and sometimes i wondered if i lost some of my dopaminergic neurons. then i wondered if i need to check my CSF for increased levels of proteins or glutamate or aspartate. maybe i should just check myself for signs of gliosis. im not making any sense at all. too many things running in my head, especially foreign names and facts. like diphenyhydramine, cimetidine, atenolol, propanolol and the list goes on.

sometimes i think i cant quite understand myself. too contradictory. the queer mix of stubbornness and strong desire for independence and that occasional wistful want for a pillar clash too violently with each other. i end up doing somethings i insisted on doing them myself though i wish theres another more insistent force of accompaniment which overrides what i expressed in the first place. ok. i think this is too much rubbish. as i said, i dont quite understand myself.

too tired. i should go take in sth, which will thin my blood and suppress some of my sensitive neurons. and prepare for that darn pharmaco test.

I should be contented. but I'm not.